Folding up your nightgown neatly in a case and making the bed only made the lose seem more real to me. I can’t help but think back to our last conversation where you emphasized that a life with love is a life that has been lived. If I knew then that I was hearing your voice for the last time, maybe I would’ve stayed with you just a little longer. Looking out the hospital window, it’s raining and it’s symbolic for how I feel inside, bleak, full of tears and broken, but I know a heart this broken is a heart that has been loved. I have always enjoyed my own company but right now I crave for a human touch, your touch, mom. Looking back, I remember how you taught me to ride my first bike. When I would fall and you will be there to hold me up. I feel like I am sinking into the abyss but I also feel a calm that you’re holding me up. I can hear dad talking to the doctor in the hallway but I can’t hear a word of the conversation. Dad has never looked so lost, you were HIS light in the dark, you were OUR light in the dark. I hear a commotion in the hallway, turning back, it’s Lola and on sighting me, she rushes into my arms. Tears I’ve been holding in falls freely and we stand like that for a while, finding comfort in our shared loss. I hear her whisper to the “I love you mom” and I could feel dad wrap us both in his arms. Dad asks if we’re okay and I reply “I feel fine” with a smile on my face. I hope that someday I would be able to see the world as you did but right now I’m grateful for dad and Lola that are still here. We walk out of the hospital happier than we’ve felt since mom took ill ,promising to live life as mom did. I’m grateful for a second chance to live life with my family.
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